Monday, November 16, 2009

Revision Plan Issues Paper

The biggest issue (hehe no pun intended....) I have with my paper is the organization of it. The flow of it doesn't really make sense. Following Sister Cowley's advice, I'm going to re-organize my paper. Some of the paragraphs don't really make sense where they are right now. But instead of getting rid of those paragraphs, I'm just going to put them in a different spot in my paper that will make better sense. Also, there is a paragraph where I compare tobacco ads to "getting active" ads. It isn't clear to my readers why I'm writing about tobacco. (I'm writing about obesity and new media) so I want to clarify my thinking behind that one.
Another problem right now is that I'm relying too heavily on one source. That source is from the Los Angeles Times, not the best source in an academic paper. However, it's good information. So I'm going to turn to other things the author references and see if I can get information from them instead of just from this article.

3 comments:

  1. Oh man! I did that too! I relied too heavily (no pun intended either!! Haha... that was in regards to your paper topic being obesity =] ) Anyway, I had that problem too. Sister Cowley showed me a way to get more scholarly sources, so that's what I am going to do. Good luck Sarah!

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  2. I, like you two, found it pretty hard to find information or sources (especially on the internet) that had good quality information that was also credible. I thought there would be a lot on my topic but there was not.
    The other thing that you said you were going to do was to reorganize your paper. The way I look at it is usually if I can understand it and it feels right to me then it should be fine. Really your audience would be the class, and if you can understand it and like it, usually your audience will too.

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  3. I have the same problem with my paper: clearing up some confusing parts. I think it;s good to clear that confusion up and introduce more points to the paper. That also helps with lengthening your paper if it's too short.

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